parker daniels

It’s like every piece of me aches for you, I don’t know how I can live in a world without you Parker Daniels, and I don’t how to make it through life without you by my side.

the moment when you scroll through a document and know that you have finished your first story is this subtle sense of pride.

pride in knowing that you’ve somehow managed to stick to a plot, stick to a group of characters and somehow gave them a justifiable arc.

today when i opened up my word document and typed in the last paragraph of my first completed draft, i felt accomplished at the mere age of 15, like, i’ve created a whole book.

is it good? i don’t know.

will everyone like it? i don’t care.

do i like it? yes.

because at the end of the day, this was my first book, can you believe it? because i cannot.

so here’s an excerpt of parker daniels:

Why? Why was I given something so magnificent only to have it snatched away? Why were you there to ease the pain when in the end you were the one to cause it. You always tried to show me how to live a happy life, to live a life where you make the most of everything and never take anything for granted because you don’t know when you could lose somebody. Why did I have to lose you?

It’s not like I haven’t had bad things happen to me, I’ve lost my mother at such a young age that I all I remember is her laugh, my dad was never present but I’ve always had you. You were the one thing I could count on when something bad would happen. You were my person, you were my anchor. You held me to this world and now that you’re gone I don’t know what to do.

I’ve lost many people in my life and no matter how much time I spent with them or how much I have appreciated them and told them so. It will never be enough. They say you never know what you have until you lose it but that’s not true. You always know what you have you just never thought you would lose it.

I loved—– love you Park. You were supposed to be my present, past and future. But now you’re just the past. Just a memory to look back on, but I don’t want that. I want you here with me. I want you to hold me in your arms and dance all night. I want to hear your laugh.

There’s so much I have left to say to you, I have so many unsaid words and all I can think about is you. Its like you’ve left this gaping hole in my heart and nothing anybody can do to ever fill that hole in and it’s killing me.

It’s so hard. What did I do to deserve this?

They say, “you never knew what you had till you lost it” my dear, that’s not true because I knew I had you yet it never occurred to me that I would lose you.

maybe one day it’ll get published, maybe not? maybe ten years from now i’ll accidentally open up an old doc and find it and cringe at its morbidness; till then i am content.

~ diana

 

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